product not tested on owls

Living the vegan lifestyle means making compassionate choices, not just in our diet, but in all aspects of our life. In other words, buy some weird ass natural toothpaste, for PETA's sake. Okay, I will. And I did. Last night. At Sunflower Market. I also bought body wash, chapstick, and vitamins-- all of which do not test on those stupid animals that I hate so much. (That, my phantom phollowers, was a mere joke. I like animals, for the most part.)

I pretty much live in poverty, so I tell ya that it is DOABLE to buy these hippie boner products and not go into the poor house (which is an apartment in Provo with a spiral staircase and poorly painted palm trees on the kitchen wall). You just have to shop wisely, like an owl who likes to shop and has the ability to shop. Shop like an owl and you can get great deals-- compare prices, use coupons, shop at Sunflower on Thursdays to get 20% off (with a student ID card and/or a nice rack), etc. Also, prioritize. Do you really need that stupid shirt from Forever Dark Abyss-- I mean, Forever 21-- or can you spend your money more wisely, like an owl, and throw your cash away on products from companies who aren't douche bags? You'll sleep better at night if you know you didn't slather yourself in Proctor and Gamble products (those animal testing bastards). But then again, you probably don't even sleep at night, you silly, wise owl. Nocturnal, you know? Of course you know. Like I need to even tell you.